motherhood is spiritual.

from a young child, i noticed women handing their power away.

i watched them hand it to the doctor, to the pastor, to their husbands, and to whatever their mothers had told them was proper. i watched good, capable, loving women shrink their own knowing to keep the peace.

those agreements led me through chiropractic school, years of caring for pregnant and postpartum women, more than thirty births as a birth keeper, and my own two births. over and over, i watched the same thing happen. a woman would come to the threshold ~ her complete EDGE ~ and not be able to stand in what she had previously decided, then look out and blame others for not getting the thing they wanted.

I saw it for YEARS in chiropractic practice as well, we let an app tell us when we’re fertile. we let the “white coat” tell us when our bodies are ready, how long we’re allowed to labor, and what our children’s symptoms mean. we let the manual, the pediatrician, the group chat, and our own family of origin (even though we don’t agree with them) decide what’s safe and what’s “right.”

here’s what i believe: every decision you make as a mother is a window. look through it and you’ll see your relationship to authority: who you trust, who you’re afraid to disappoint, and who you’ve made bigger than your own knowing. most of those decisions are unconscious and inherited, borrowed, or made in fear of the “what if.” the moment you make them conscious, something opens & that’s what I’ve seen is that is where a real relationship with God is birthed. God is in the “problem” and the solution.

you want to trust yourself, but you still search online before you’ll let yourself decide.
you want a birth that’s yours, but some part of you is waiting for someone to sign off on it.
you want to question everything, but you’re terrified of what it means about you if you’re wrong.
you want a different path, but you can’t tell yet whether you’re choosing it or just running from what hurt you last time.

this isn’t about rejecting doctors, or your parents, the government, or the faith you were raised in. it’s about bringing your authority home: back into your body, your lineage, your family, your hands and the season you find yourself in, and through all of that, back to God.